That time of your life when you feel everybody has moved with time and you are the only one left behind, cogs-upon-cogs behind the intricate dynamics of the present rhythm.
It is not that you have stopped moving altogether, you were headed in the same direction, you were following the same salmon stream, but .. your speed was insufficiently aligned to mainstream movements.
You do not feel tricked, you do not feel entirely out of place. You are running behind wondering if this is your top speed, if there’s something profoundly wrong with everything and everyone else.
You ask questions about normality. You answer by repeated shoulder shrugs. You’ve been running all this time, but somebody put your run on hold – you haven’t reached any finish line, you haven’t passed any reward milestones, but you are quite tired and your pulse is throbbing.
You realise you receive all intermission updates at fast-forward speed and you wonder if you are capable of processing this much information effectively. You lose some sleep fretting over personal fears, failure spectres and risk asessment.
Eventually you take the plunge. The worst that can happen is to lose your footing, to slip and get permanent head-bang scars. The worst of taking action is identical to the worst-case scenario of just dangling in limbo and letting things take their course. At least I’ll be able to frown into the mirror – I’m trying, let’s see where things go from here…